difficult day

It has been an amazingly difficult day, and it is really only half over. I guess I am writing, because I don't know what else to do. The struggle goes on with the oldest, anxiety is a complex and debilitating thing, and I am really worried about the path she is going to take. I wish she would get mad and fight, but she seems happier to let the anxiety and fear take over and consume her. We seem to have regressed four years in a matter of weeks - no idea what caused the set back, but it has certainly set in. I think we are going to be facing some difficult decisions if things don't change. We have to do something to get her back on track and participating in things that are easy for most, but so difficult for her.

Still have to work, although it is becoming more and more difficult to focus and even harder to be creative.

pressing on

I am trying to move forward today after a very difficult weekend and a rough morning with the oldest. The anxiety seems to be getting worse rather than better. Focusing on work today is almost impossible, but I need to make myself sit and do it, deadlines don't wait for family crisis. Any thought of being creative is out of the question, I am doing things in more or less of a zombie like fashion. It feels as though I have been going through one very long day that does not seem to end.

happy birthday Paige

It is Paige's 14th birthday today! I find it hard to believe. Time goes very quickly. She has her own digital HD cam corder and her own moleskin journal, so she can begin to work out her movies. I am excited to see the out come.

The snow has passed and we are going to make an attempt to head up the mountain to get to the cabin, I will keep you posted on our progress.

it hit

OK - the blizzard has hit. The girls have huddled up and done what you should do during a crisis and dragged the Dragonology game out.

One of the girls is my extra, sometimes daughter Eva, of the Bret and Susie Good Eva's.

they say a blizzard is coming

Supposedly Denver is in for 6 to 18 inches of snow today. We were supposed to head up to our friends cabin for Paige's birthday. Concerned that is not a reality, so Crystal has set off this morning to the store to get everything we need for cake, pizza etc. I'm hoping she won't be too disappointed.

I am here at the studio knocking out as much as I can before the snow hits, they are saying 2 inches per hour. We will see. Whenever the media hypes a storm it seems to miss us. As always there are the die hards here that will work no matter how much snow, and say we are all wimps for considering going home early. To them I say - your idiots, get a life and find something to occupy your time other that work.

another update

The colors are not too true, but here is a bit more detail.

made it to tuesday

Alright, it is officially Tuesday. It felt like Tuesday all day yesterday. I woke early and decided to forgo the weather and ride in. It was beautiful, not too cold.

While I was making coffee before I left, I watched a coyote come walking up the street with something large in it's mouth. I instantly rushed to the backyard to check on our friends and all was good. That's the first time I have seen a coyote in our neighborhood. It was quite stunning.

Here is a in process shot of some M&B.

still monday

Is it really still Monday? What a long day. I honestly thought that I had made it to Tuesday. Well, I think that is a good enough reason to stop drawing and take a break, so I am typing.

Today everyone was in a fog. Possibly due to the weather change. I know I was disappointed not to ride, too rainy - the forecast calls for bad weather all week. My creativity is returning in droves, but not for the work that is in the studio at the moment. That always makes it challenging to focus my energy in the right place. Luckily I am taking off the end of the week for Paige's birthday, and heading up to our friends cabin. Getting away from the studio will do everyone some good.

I have made some solid progress with the Mabel and Bear illustrations after a difficult go. I think I am finally over the hump. Done for today though. My brain is telling me it is time to shut down.

Off to bed.

monday

Happy Monday. The weather is rainy and gloomy, and much needed. Had trouble getting out of bed, seems like a perfect day to stay in bed with the covers over your head. Not today unfortunately, too many deadlines.

I decided to remodel our bathroom this weekend. Demolition has officially begun - keep you posted.

I did happen to get some writing done this weekend, but just a little. We have had our friends kids staying with us while they both had business trips. That makes five dynamic personalities in the house besides Crystal and I. Makes for a loud weekend.

Time to focus and knock out some work.

on the road

Back to riding. A day of rest did good for my muscles and my sanity. The ride today was quicker and more enjoyable. Sitting in the car yesterday, not moving pissed me off more than I would have thought.

Paige is still having a tough time, but we are working through it. Penny on the other hand has become a school addict, staying late, getting extra help, worrying about home work. Where has my daughter gone? I do like this new version.

Desperately need to make some progress on some illustrations and stop thinking about riding so much.

twitter

You will notice a new gadget on the right side of the blog, it is a link for twitter. Basically it is a constant communication tool of all the things I am currently doing or thinking. No real purpose other than it is kind of fun. Still working out the bugs with how I use it, but I can see it can become addicting very quickly. One more thing to consume some time.

a bit of rest

Rode into the studio again yesterday. So this makes Saturday, Monday & Tuesday at 15 miles a piece, and 5 miles on Sunday. I think my body needed a rest, no riding today. We also had people over to the house last night for St. Patrick's day and it was a late night. I have to admit, I missed the ride. I sat in traffic, not moving and frustrated. Riding gives you a different freedom. You can always change your route as needed, unlike in the car where you are really trapped on the freeway. Hopefully weather and body permitting I will be back at it tomorrow.

day one

Did it. Took a ride into the studio this morning. First time with significant traffic, and it was not too bad. It was certainly easier than Saturday. I did take another medium length ride yesterday to keep my muscles from seizing up. You get a completely different perspective of the world on a bike compared to in a car, particularly on a Monday morning, when all of the drivers look like zombies and have zero participation in life. I don't want to get too preachy, this is really day one of a hopeful many, but it really changes your attitude.

On another note, we took the girls to the Ballet yesterday and it was fantastic. We had bought the cheapest tickets, for five of us not cheap, so we were in the top balcony in the front row. Very cool, but not for some of my fear of heights family, strangely enough it was Abby who had trouble. It was not full, so the usher had us move down a level for the second act. Cool as well. For the third, they let us move over to some box seats on the side of the stage, even cooler. Unfortunately, Paige had a pretty good anxiety attack at dinner afterwards. The things that should be fun are so hard on her.

And a good luck note to my dad who is seeing the kidney doctor today. Hope all goes well!

tired and happy

I have had this idea that I want to start riding my bike into the studio every day, it's about 7.4 miles one way - sounds easy. Well today I did my first test run. It proved a few things. 

One, I am out of shape - more than I thought. 

Two, my bike is out of shape. I threw the chain half way their and had to make it work. After I type this I am off to the bike shop to have it looked at. 

Three, going to the studio is much easier than coming home. It only took me 30 minutes to get in, but almost an hour to get home. It was uphill the entire way back, we don't live in an area of Denver called Wellshire Heights for nothing. 

All in all it was successful, although my legs have decided not to let me stand on them at the moment. 

a little sketch

Just for fun.

cold day

Our early spring has given way to a couple inches of snow. I was not prepared for the weather change and am still denying it and pretending that it is bright and sunny outside. So being locked back in my studio without a window, this illusion can work.

Gave up working digital for a while last night and broke out the india ink and crow quill pen. It was extremely satisfying to watch the ink flow across the paper, sometimes unpredictably. I love digital illustration and all that it affords, but I have missed the natural quality of just going for it. No saving multiple versions, just committing to where you want to place the line and letting what will flow, flow.

I think the pen and ink is something that I will have to get back to on a regular basis.

a quick one

Yes I am still alive. Last week was the kind that you just move past and hope doesn't come around again.

Back now though and recharged.